Week 10 : Res(e)t

Last month has been an extremely intense month, with a professional dead-line at the very last day — a deadline I created shortly after getting into the MasterKey: finishing a composition for viola, voice and string ensemble.

I DID it. In time. As programmed.

The whole process was incredibly intense and in an almost magical way completely aligned with the whole MasterKey -program so far, with what I wanted to accomplish for myself when I started it: completely incarnate and structurally integrate my full potential.

Because without doing that, I would go nowhere. For me it’s not about learning about or getting into any kind of spirituality, that has been with and inside me since the day I was born and conscious not long after that.

Montée de la Conscience

Montée de la Conscience metallic pastel G. van Assche

No, for me, the real challenge was to bring all this wisdom and ‘knowing’ into the flesh, incarnate it, so that I can USE it here ‘on earth’. ‘Getting conscious the other way around’ so to speak. That has been my biggest challenge all my life, and I lacked the tools to really do so.

Now I feel that I have them, those tools, and the actual composition, “Essence”, that I just finished is proof of that. I finally DID it, and made it concrete, I finally incarnated that creative part of me , by incarnating the sounds in my head in actual notes on paper that will be played on december 16th. (I had composed before, but more in a kind of ‘aloof’ way, and never before for such a ‘big’ setting).During the process I could feel my soul almost literally taking more and more possession of my mind and body, and I could ‘see’ that happening during the meditations, the ‘battle-ship’-sequence, and especially the ‘flower’-sequence…. ‘downloading my Hearzflower’…. and all this is reflected in the piece — in a way, it even reflects my whole DMP, sound-wise and symbolically.

I dedicated the piece to the MKMMA-course, by the way, and after the creation of it, in two weeks, I definitely will post a recording of it in my blog.

meditation

Montée de la Conscience metallic pastel G. van Assche

And now, since december 1st, I went into a state of ‘incubation’ as it seems, ‘rest’, and ‘reset’, (apart from OF COURSE celebrating the accomplishment 🙂 ) .I need SO much sleep, and even more ‘turning inwards’, no spectacular insights or stuff like that (‘by coincidence’ there not being a webinar and Haanel’s sit-instructions for this week being piece of cake for me could not be better timed…..) but I feel that I have to give my system time, space and most of all rest to ‘incorporate’ everything that happened ‘tornado-wise’ the last few weeks. So that everything can be ‘reset’, not to a previous state, but re-set in the sense of prepared to go to the ‘real starting-blocks’… ready for what is to come … welcoming that new state of being, and gathering the (new) energies to dig and root even deeper now, and most of all create, and start living the life I always wanted to live. Somehow it feels like I finally am born. Born into myself, by myself.

I am most definitely curious about what comes next…….

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Week 9: downloading my HearzFlower

Carré 2…. more than ever I wish for you, dear reader, to be able to open up your ‘energetic WiFi-channels’ to be able to look and feel directly into my head and energies…..

‘Act is the blossom of thought’ says Haanel, and the ‘sit with the flower’, aiming to visualize a flower from the very seed until the fragrance…. well… I will try to put it into words….  my very Essence, ‘my HearzFlower’ ….

RosebudImmediately right into the first sit I saw a figure made out of light, ‘me’ in my purely energetic form, that gave a rosebud to a little version of ‘me’. Little me was asked to pick a seed out of the rosebud.

‘But how will I know that I take a good one? Won’t I miss out on certain things by choosing?’….(oh, this sounded like something I almost choked on when I had to write my DMP… 🙂 ) Then it occurred that all information is within ALL seeds, so I just could not make ‘a mistake’, it was simply up to me to grow it into what I wanted it to be. Aha 🙂 . So I confidently picked a seed.

Once in my hand, I saw that it was a RainbowMarble, of course… 🙂 … as well as a pearl — all shimmering with the rainbowy-mother-of -pearl-glow…

MountainsI decided to not plant it in a pot, no, I took it to ‘my’ beloved mountains, where I plan(t) to live one day. Once it was in the ground and little me comfortably installed next to it, enjoying the scenery and the calm time and magical energies of the place, I saw that that place was at the same time my Solar Plexus. I had planted the seed in my Solar Plexus, where also my Aladdin’s lamp is living — the place where thoughts get materialized…..

As I watched the little seed develop, it started to look like a white bean, and thus also like an embryo, and in a split second I was inside my mother’s belly…. all at the same time of still being in the mountains under the sun. Different parallel worlds, energetic dimensions at the same time. The embryo of course also looked like a little whale, and, ‘bam’ (yes there is the famous MasterKey-expression 🙂 ) all ‘my’ animals where there too, inside me. Lovely.

As the bean started developing roots in the mountains, those roots had to dive into all different existing colors in my Solar Plexus, first all shades of red, then orange…. all the time accompanied with the sounds ‘that belong to the colors’ (sorry, can’t say it otherwise), taking the time they needed to take what they needed. (now THAT is an insight to the utmost importance for me 🙂 ) … I knew that I was not going to get to the complete flower that day, nor probably the next, so I agreed to take a week for it, to absorb the full spectrum. Bravo, Dominica….. 😀 … My essenceI could energetically see the full flower as a garment around me, but in a fade, non-material shape. At the moment, I am still a bean with roots and a little stem with a few dense green leaves. ‘Aha, hold the thought, cultivate it, and the matter WILL follow. By the end of the week, the flower will have materialized’. Nice 🙂

While this was going on, I could physically feel my body being filled and ‘materialized’, filling up gaps where there were some frequencies missing — I’m downloading, incarnating, my full potential, and integrating it structurally  — into a mother-of-pearl-white, fragrant rose: me. (well I like that better than being a battle-ship 🙂 ). I’m about half-way, to be continued…. but I can already smell the mesmerizing perfume…

And during the process a lot of images appeared about ‘root-systems’: when you look at a tree, the root-system below the earth is the mirror of the crown of branches above the earth, ‘the crown is rooted in the sunlight….’ and the stem transports the information both ways: the matter out of the earth up, the energy out of the sun down; the nerves/bloodvessels in a brain look like a root system, and are mirrored in the Solar Plexus, in a way, and with the Nervus Vagus as the stem in between; and when you tilt a tree 90°, it actually looks like two brain hemispheres, with the stem being the corpus callosum, … So not only as above so below, also as above/below so right/left, all rooted one in the other and linked with a two-way stem, as within so without… SO many many bridges exchanging and linking information on many levels, and linking dreams and reality in all kinds of directions, so…. IS there a difference between dream and reality…? Which is which? Does it matter? It all feels just as real to me, once the connections have been solidified and are properly nourished,  when the wonder lamp is properly rubbed.

Motherhood

Motherhood metallic pastel G. van Assche

Thougths ARE reality. Thoughts are the mother of reality. The holy grail. Accept the full responsibility that comes with that.

Reality is structurally integrated, fully incarnated, aligned thoughts (or you can have them, and therefor it, as scattered as you like….your choice….). The stem? The feeling that accompanies them.

Funny coincidence: just 2 days prior to this, I got deeper into fascia, and started to do Rolfing-therapy…. which is just that, structural integration. And all this came about because of something in my  Plan Of Action ….

Resonance

Resonance, metallic pastel G. van Assche

And in the mean time, I’m still residing inside myself, energetically inside my mother — becoming my own mother, in a way, and inside mother earth, all being the same places, absorbing the energies that I need to manifest my essence, rooting on several levels and in all frequencies to grow my crown. On my way to be born again, as me.

G. van Assche

Motherhood metallic pastel G. van Assche

This seems the perfect opportunity also to present you my mother, the one who created the beautiful art-work that have been so miraculously ‘fitting’ into my blog-themes so far…

 

 

 

 

Week 8b: the other boat-story

Just wanted to share this ‘little miracle-story’ that happened actually before I had the insights I talked about in my main Week8 post.

Last monday, immediately after my very first sit ‘with Haanel’s boat’, and when it had become clear that the boat was ‘me’, I had to go to an appointment.

Because of some situation with a neighbor, I ended up starting my car a few minutes later than I had planned. Drove off, and because of the delay arrived at a bridge across a canal that is used by ‘transporting-boats’ just at the time that the traffic-light at the bridge went red (nice, one of my PPN’s displayed 🙂 ) and I had to stop and wait, because the bridge has to be elevated for the boat to pass. This usually takes quite some time, so I decided to take good use of that time and went into my thoughts about MasterKey, the webinar of the night before, my sit with Haanel’s boat…..

dancingQueenJust before I arrived at that bridge, I was listening to the radio, and the anchor-woman suddenly started talking about how she had observed a little girl dancing and jumping down the street safely at her father’s hand the previous day, and she added a bit melancholically ‘with an innocence as if she still believed that this was how it was going to be for the rest of her life.’

‘Well yes’, I thought immediately, ‘actually, why would that NOT be possible?’ And linked that girl to my own inner ever-dancing-girl…

So that’s when I arrived at the bridge, and a beautiful piece of guitar-music called ‘Innoncence’ started playing on the radio, and I dove into my thoughts as mentioned above, about all this and ‘me’ being ‘a battle-ship’ (ah, or probably a dancing battle-ship 😀 ).

Then the bridge was up, and the boat arrived, and passed by very slowly from right to left right in front of my eyes (I had front seats 🙂 ), and suddenly, when she was right in front of me, I saw her name, painted in big white letters on it:

‘NUEVA VIDA’ , New Life…..

…. over-the-moon-goosebumping-joyfull-laughter-tears….Pegassus

… bumped into a gloriously blissful smile on my face and burst into a rainbow in my eyes, and heart…..

Once again, I walk tall among men and they know me not, for today I am a new woman with a Nueva Vida.

And once again also, I am profoundly grateful for this numerous moments of ‘sacred timing’ I experience following my inner compass.

 

 

 

 

Week 8: from Aladim back to Aladin

ah……. week 8 …. 8, ‘my’ number…. seemed only natural that it would be a huge week for me.
And so it is, still is — it’s not over yet….
And where to begin…..

I can hardly keep up with insights and understandings and things ‘clicking’, and ‘aha’-moments, and accomplishments… seems only light and bright and sunshiny….

Insight

Insight, metallic pastel, G van Assche

But also dived DEEP, into the opposite ‘circle’ of the 8, deep into the grim and painful and not-yet-thorouhly-felt/accepted, and am still confused and searching about how to give place to some stuff that even if it surfaced, is not yet ‘balanced’ and integrated, and how to ‘be’ according to that.

It started with Haanel’s ‘battle-ship’. Right in my first sit with it, it was crystal-clear that it was a huge and unexpected metaphor for ‘me’, and “tracing back to it’s origins” became “tracing back to my own origins”, to the very first, original thoughts that made me — in some ways — into this grim monster….

“See the grim monster floating on the surface of the water; there appears to be no life anywhere about; all is silence; you know that by far the largest part of the vessel is under water; out of sight;(…) you know that although it lies apparently oblivious to everything else, it has eyes which see everything for miles around, and nothing is permitted to escape its watchful vision; you know that while it appears quiet, submissive and innocent, it is prepared to hurl a steel projectile weighing thousands of pounds at an enemy many miles away…”

I will have to cut MANY corners here, but basically this was about “I who has thought ‘me’ “, and why I thought at one time I had to be a battle-ship, defending (why? what?) protecting (why? what?).

So much of this had already surfaced and dealt with much earlier in my life, but obviously there was more…… yes, another blind spot!

(OK, warning: what follows may make you think ‘what a cocky girl….’, but I feel in my guts and heart that I HAVE to speak and express my truth here, now, just for me. That was exactly part of the insight. Sorry if this disturbs you.)

The whole week I have been confronted now with it, in different forms and shapes, even playing a music-piece with this as a title (and oh irony only today understood….): “Crypsis”, the ability for a organism to blend in with its environment.

That’s exactly what I did. I toned myself down, since very young, to ‘blend in’. Yes, I always was ‘too fast and too smart’ for my surroundings. Knew

ach, Bitterheid….

Ach, Bitterheid…. metallic pastel G. van Assche

too much, ‘just like that’, (access to infinite intelligence…. 😉 ….), started doing everything way before I was supposed to (crawling, walking, talking, reading…….), I speak too fast, I think too fast, I move too fast, I asked questions in school my teachers had no answer for…… Still I ask questions that are often not understood, ‘going too deep too fast’ I guess… So I get a LOT of ‘wrong’ answers……. (But luckily, I am smart enough 😉 to still use the answers to see if I can drag something else still useful out of it for me…. 😉 )

And all this made me feel miserable, ‘out of tune’, apparently ‘frightening’ others, irritating them also, because I also simply feel and ‘see’ things I’m not supposed to ‘insights’, just liked that, see ‘behind the curtains, analyze to the bone in no time, in spite of myself, make links and connections in between stuff that most cannot follow. So I often simply better shut up to not create chaos around me, (that’s how it feels/felt to me), or try to express myself in a way my surroundings would understand i.e. in a way muting, dimming myself, even if subtly, and slowing myself down. All this energy ‘kept inside’ actually was gradually making me sick, in symbolic ways too: concussions, several ones, and nerve-injuires, probably in an unconscious attempt to “shut off my brain, or at least slow it down and get it ‘to normal’, and feel less, and ‘sit still, don’t move!’…. ”

Short: tough to handle.

So very young also I made a conscious decision to tone myself down, and blend in, pass my time here ‘incognito’. Did not want to ‘derange’ my surroundings.

…..but of course did, because I was not happy with that.

Eternal Child

Eternal Child, metallic pastel G. van Assche

And my still healthy inner ‘magical part’ did not allow me to be like that, and displayed ‘my true colors’ often in spite of me (ask my surroundings :D, they might not even understand what I’m ‘on about’ here, but at the inside, this is how it looked and felt/feels!), and I did not know how to handle that myself. Yikes. My personality simply did/does not allow me to be ‘incognito’, much to my regret, at times….   So often enough at night in bed I would internally beat myself up about ‘what I had done again…..’

So back to the metaphor: suddenly, today, I saw that the origin of it, symbolically was….. Aladin’s wonder lamp. I saw it, once the ‘matter’ of the ship was fading ‘into it’s origins in time’, there it was: in the heart of the battle-ship. Aladin’s lamp,that had been ‘rubbed the wrong way’ for too long (there’s still a lot to investigate about that, about why I once thought that was necessary, eons of times ago — yes, way before ‘this’ identity. Because yes that too I created myself, no-one else but me made me do this).

So the genius withdrew, tried to hide somewhere in a corner, in silence and melancholically playing with her golden rainbow marbles…..

 

Stardust

Insight, metallic pastel, G van Assche

But so this week he (she 😉 ) got out again, and starts to polish her lamp. It starts already to sparkle beyond imagination. Pure rainbowy, golden stardust.

Polishing it from Aladim back to Aladin(ica). 🙂

Rejoice! (and oh, I KNOW that I’m not the only one. How about all of us taking a beautiful cloth soaked in love and start polishing our battle-ships back into the wonder lamps they really are….. 😉 …?)

week 7 : Taking control over ‘taking control’.

What a journey.

Secrets de Famille metallic pastel G. van Assche

Secrets de Famille
metallic pastel
G. van Assche

For a while now I have been wondering when I would stumble on my blind spot(s). I suspected there would be some, obviously, since before I got into this MasterKey’ing, I was already applying quite a number of thoughts and ideas and even some practices that the MasterKey is teaching.

This surely already had a big impact on my life, especially over the last 5 years or so, but still some things would not change, or not really change, so I was clearly missing some important ‘clues’: the blind spots, those spots inside you that you can not see, nor even really feel, but nevertheless are there — your mind ‘tricks them out of view’ — out of fear, of course…. Yet still, in this context, they ‘ruled’, and kept me in a treadmill of (yes, mainly) fear, in spite of the obvious evolution I was going through.

The first weeks of the MasterKey-experience were kind of a ‘piece of cake’ (except for a few hassles) and quite frankly I was becoming a bit impatient (ooopsss…ooooh yes….), even if I definitely experienced a few break-throughs and could feel myself moving towards some deeper stuff, as I mentioned last week. But still, those were not ‘blind spots’, those things I did know about, just had not come to the inner strength yet to address them fully. And lacked the skills to do so.

But, oh yeah, this week, I stumbled on one, over one, fell ‘into‘ one: a blind spot. Yeehaaa!

But also: OUCH!

For years now, especially those last five years, I lived by my motto ‘faith in fate’, relaxing in the idea and concept, and comforting feeling that whatever was ‘mine’ (not only in a material way, I mean this more in the sense of life-experiences) could not escape me, and what was not ‘mine’ to begin with I did not even have to bother trying getting it, for it would not happen. In other words: if something was not happening, that was because for some reason it did not belong to ‘me’, or ‘my path’. And in the other way: I did not have to stress about getting what really needed to be on that path of mine. The ‘just let it all happen’ — state of mind. (in a way, and with all respect, as I see it now, kind of a state of ‘resignation’)

After years of fearfully struggling and fighting and ‘cramping’ and trying to control kind of everything to somehow ‘cope’ — and luckily due to that other still ‘magical’ part of mine that was silenced but thankfully still stubbornly active underneath I was blessed with quite a number of ‘miracles’ at the same time — this attitude of ‘faith in fate’ (actually installed after gradual ‘insight’ that those miracles WERE actually happening after all 🙂 ) –was a very welcome relief, and this ‘controlling nerve’ of mine got de-activated, bit by bit. I sure became a lot happier, even if circumstances were not always what I would have liked (in a way I gave up wanting them the way I would have liked them…. ). But hey, I managed to stay overall positive and faithful, and relatively relaxed.

I thought.

So now over the last few days, a lot happened inside as well as outside, also ‘because’ of this 7-days mind-diet that put me with my nose right on my blind spot (well, for now, I assume that this would be the only one … 😀 …..). If I was not going to fail all together, the entire program, I had to look myself straight in the eye, look even deeper, and see there….. a panicking, impatient, faith-less kind of control-freak that was fighting like a devil in holy water…. splashing nearly all of that overboard.

I created for myself quite an important deadline, a few weeks ago, with full faith that I would get it, because, of course, I have done ALL my readings and exercises and everything to the fullest and even more, with the whole gusto and everything. Believing. Joyfully. Lovingly. Enthusiastically.

And… still things seemed to follow their own compass steering me right into failure (panickkk!!!!!!) and therefor disillusion ‘You see that this was not for you, this works for everybody, but not for you’ and again, ‘because I do not deserve it, or what???? THIS devil was gone, I thought!!’

Actually that-one HAS gone. But there was another at work.

‘Live by the intention, not the method’. Ah, yes. Right.

It took me a few extra days to see it. I had made my goals clear, and was confident to get them.

L'incompréhension metallic pastel G. van Assche

L’incompréhension
metallic pastel
G. van Assche

BUT: I also secretly tried to apply ‘old methods’ to get there, trying to take control over time (‘when’, ‘how fast’, ‘if this is not gotten done by NOW the whole thing will collapse’, …), and over ‘how’ I would get to my goals (yep, still looking within my narrow means and beliefs about ‘how this should work’, forgetting that I do not have to know yet how things will work out, in this new frame of MasterKey-mind). I was once again pushing myself into a corset that was almost literally cutting of my breath. Forcing, trying to take total control. Freaking panic came bursting out almost throughout all my pores. I actually never before experienced such panick-attacs, not even in my most ‘constant-in-fear-modus’ younger years.

… so I thought that I had acquired faith, already, in the past….. Ouch.

I kind of was that kid that plants a seed and then goes looking every minute — eh, every SECOND — if it was already sprouting, and if so, if that would be in the right direction, and be the right plant…oh fear, oh fear….

Back to square one. Or better said: on this one: finally on square one, finally ready to embark.

Cute little miracle: the day I ‘saw’ what I was really doing, I learned that my deadline could EASILY be delayed, giving me DOUBLE the amount of time to realize my goal (I will faithfully let my subconscious do the timing now, giving it also time and space to ‘incubate’ that goal properly….I PROMISE!), AND that I actually had the wrong information about certain aspects of it. So now that has been straightened out too… if I would have made ‘my’ deadline, it would have been the wrong goal…

So: new mindset : Taking control over ‘taking control’. (I figure if a well-exercised muscle is there, better make GOOD use of it 😀 😀 )

And LET THE MAGIC HAPPEN.

Oh, and the secret was love, even a lot more of unconditional love, for myself and all the panic and insecurities, the process, my current ‘outer world’, AND love for the people that will be affected by what I’m about to put into realization.

Because actually, in my sheer panic, I was too pre-occupied also with ‘me getting my goal’, and not about how this project would serve the people that I’m creating it for… Realizing this, again, focussing on my INTENTION rather than on the method, was the trigger for the insight. Thank you, love.

Week 6 : HearzCompass(ion)

So we turned to Mandino’s Scroll 2.

Getting to my core-business now:Kiss

‘I will greet this day with love in my heart

Last week, a few days before we changed to this scroll, and after having read in the first scroll for 30 days, 3 times a day ‘I walk tall among men and they know me not, for today I am a new (wo)man, with a new life’ — the sentence that resonated most with me, also since this is really about changing that old overdue blue-print, right down into the core of the DNA so to speak — I went to my chiropractor.

I go there once a month, so last time he saw me before that was just after I started this MasterKey-Experience, and right after the very first readings of this sentence. He is an extremely intuitive guy, that can ‘look inside your head and read your energies’. For example: a few years ago, quite some time before I composed my very first piece and was not even really thinking about starting it, he said out off the blue (I never told him that maybe one day I might become a composer): ‘So when are you finally going to write down all those sounds that are inside your head?’ That kind of therapist.

Also, when I go there, I never have to tell him what is bothering me, he just puts his hands where it is needed and starts to work. And it’s always spot on. He knows and follows me and helps me evolving now for about 15 years.

So last week, one month later, I’m there, and he does the usual half hour of treatment — lots on the stomach, by the way, that famous Solar(com)plexus of mine that has been worked on so hard the last few weeks … but I did not tell him that, he just felt it — and then he said ‘You really evolved quite a bit since last time, amazing, I’m getting completely different information from your energies, it’s almost as if I have been working on a completely different person‘.

…….. well yes, he knew me not for that day, as every day, I was a new woman with a new life……

Indélébile metallic pastel G. van Assche

Indélébile
metallic pastel
G. van Assche

And right after that, he said something about now the heart-center being challenged — due to old traumatic stuff that is ‘next in line’…..

Ouch. Ah yes, THAT old stuff, that I feel is there, under the surface, but still did not want to make itself ‘namable’. Feels like it is engraved a bit too deep though… non-deletable…

But OK, on with it, focussing my mind on cleaning it out.

And of course, BAM! (that’s THE MasterKeyExpression, I noticed, by the way 🙂 ), a few days later we turn to the scroll about ‘the heart’ (I actually was wondering already some time about when ‘love’ and ‘heart’ were going to be addressed….).

So at first, I was really over the moon, THIS is what I’m about, this is MY subject, the frequencies of the heart, the ‘Hearz‘…..! So I felt like completely in my element.

But….. BAM, again, though this time with another meaning. Resistance set in. That old part that is getting focussed on now, does everything to play hide-and-seek and is doing it’s stubborn best to break my intentions and energies. Messing up just about everything, interfering wherever it can.

Confusion metallic pastel G. van Assche

Confusion
metallic pastel
G. van Assche

It’s quite confusing. Everything flips from one end of the spectrum, creating wonderful, sparkling little miracles and joyous events when I go out and address everyone with a silent ‘I love you’, to me being filled with doubts and fears and even physically feeling ‘ill’.

My inner compass is at times pointing at all directions at the same time, it seems.

OK then, ‘first aid first’: putting myself in the middle of my compass, and let it turn all around me if it wants, I love it to bits, oh yeah, but gonna love myself even a little bit more now, unconditionally. Determined to create a new magnetic center, and field, from the heart. My WHOLE heart: including the bits and pieces that are still fearfully and painfully resisting and therefor do not ‘resonate’ yet with that updated version of me. (and that discrepancy makes them sound even more ‘off’ at the moment. burks.)

Introspection metallic pastel G. van Assche

Introspection
metallic pastel
G. van Assche

So: a time for introspection. Looking for that new compass: (music) The range of notes of a musical instrument or voice, that will enrich my Rainbow even more once the sun comes out again.