Week 8: from Aladim back to Aladin

ah……. week 8 …. 8, ‘my’ number…. seemed only natural that it would be a huge week for me.
And so it is, still is — it’s not over yet….
And where to begin…..

I can hardly keep up with insights and understandings and things ‘clicking’, and ‘aha’-moments, and accomplishments… seems only light and bright and sunshiny….

Insight

Insight, metallic pastel, G van Assche

But also dived DEEP, into the opposite ‘circle’ of the 8, deep into the grim and painful and not-yet-thorouhly-felt/accepted, and am still confused and searching about how to give place to some stuff that even if it surfaced, is not yet ‘balanced’ and integrated, and how to ‘be’ according to that.

It started with Haanel’s ‘battle-ship’. Right in my first sit with it, it was crystal-clear that it was a huge and unexpected metaphor for ‘me’, and “tracing back to it’s origins” became “tracing back to my own origins”, to the very first, original thoughts that made me — in some ways — into this grim monster….

“See the grim monster floating on the surface of the water; there appears to be no life anywhere about; all is silence; you know that by far the largest part of the vessel is under water; out of sight;(…) you know that although it lies apparently oblivious to everything else, it has eyes which see everything for miles around, and nothing is permitted to escape its watchful vision; you know that while it appears quiet, submissive and innocent, it is prepared to hurl a steel projectile weighing thousands of pounds at an enemy many miles away…”

I will have to cut MANY corners here, but basically this was about “I who has thought ‘me’ “, and why I thought at one time I had to be a battle-ship, defending (why? what?) protecting (why? what?).

So much of this had already surfaced and dealt with much earlier in my life, but obviously there was more…… yes, another blind spot!

(OK, warning: what follows may make you think ‘what a cocky girl….’, but I feel in my guts and heart that I HAVE to speak and express my truth here, now, just for me. That was exactly part of the insight. Sorry if this disturbs you.)

The whole week I have been confronted now with it, in different forms and shapes, even playing a music-piece with this as a title (and oh irony only today understood….): “Crypsis”, the ability for a organism to blend in with its environment.

That’s exactly what I did. I toned myself down, since very young, to ‘blend in’. Yes, I always was ‘too fast and too smart’ for my surroundings. Knew

ach, Bitterheid….

Ach, Bitterheid…. metallic pastel G. van Assche

too much, ‘just like that’, (access to infinite intelligence…. 😉 ….), started doing everything way before I was supposed to (crawling, walking, talking, reading…….), I speak too fast, I think too fast, I move too fast, I asked questions in school my teachers had no answer for…… Still I ask questions that are often not understood, ‘going too deep too fast’ I guess… So I get a LOT of ‘wrong’ answers……. (But luckily, I am smart enough 😉 to still use the answers to see if I can drag something else still useful out of it for me…. 😉 )

And all this made me feel miserable, ‘out of tune’, apparently ‘frightening’ others, irritating them also, because I also simply feel and ‘see’ things I’m not supposed to ‘insights’, just liked that, see ‘behind the curtains, analyze to the bone in no time, in spite of myself, make links and connections in between stuff that most cannot follow. So I often simply better shut up to not create chaos around me, (that’s how it feels/felt to me), or try to express myself in a way my surroundings would understand i.e. in a way muting, dimming myself, even if subtly, and slowing myself down. All this energy ‘kept inside’ actually was gradually making me sick, in symbolic ways too: concussions, several ones, and nerve-injuires, probably in an unconscious attempt to “shut off my brain, or at least slow it down and get it ‘to normal’, and feel less, and ‘sit still, don’t move!’…. ”

Short: tough to handle.

So very young also I made a conscious decision to tone myself down, and blend in, pass my time here ‘incognito’. Did not want to ‘derange’ my surroundings.

…..but of course did, because I was not happy with that.

Eternal Child

Eternal Child, metallic pastel G. van Assche

And my still healthy inner ‘magical part’ did not allow me to be like that, and displayed ‘my true colors’ often in spite of me (ask my surroundings :D, they might not even understand what I’m ‘on about’ here, but at the inside, this is how it looked and felt/feels!), and I did not know how to handle that myself. Yikes. My personality simply did/does not allow me to be ‘incognito’, much to my regret, at times….   So often enough at night in bed I would internally beat myself up about ‘what I had done again…..’

So back to the metaphor: suddenly, today, I saw that the origin of it, symbolically was….. Aladin’s wonder lamp. I saw it, once the ‘matter’ of the ship was fading ‘into it’s origins in time’, there it was: in the heart of the battle-ship. Aladin’s lamp,that had been ‘rubbed the wrong way’ for too long (there’s still a lot to investigate about that, about why I once thought that was necessary, eons of times ago — yes, way before ‘this’ identity. Because yes that too I created myself, no-one else but me made me do this).

So the genius withdrew, tried to hide somewhere in a corner, in silence and melancholically playing with her golden rainbow marbles…..

 

Stardust

Insight, metallic pastel, G van Assche

But so this week he (she 😉 ) got out again, and starts to polish her lamp. It starts already to sparkle beyond imagination. Pure rainbowy, golden stardust.

Polishing it from Aladim back to Aladin(ica). 🙂

Rejoice! (and oh, I KNOW that I’m not the only one. How about all of us taking a beautiful cloth soaked in love and start polishing our battle-ships back into the wonder lamps they really are….. 😉 …?)

week 7 : Taking control over ‘taking control’.

What a journey.

Secrets de Famille metallic pastel G. van Assche

Secrets de Famille
metallic pastel
G. van Assche

For a while now I have been wondering when I would stumble on my blind spot(s). I suspected there would be some, obviously, since before I got into this MasterKey’ing, I was already applying quite a number of thoughts and ideas and even some practices that the MasterKey is teaching.

This surely already had a big impact on my life, especially over the last 5 years or so, but still some things would not change, or not really change, so I was clearly missing some important ‘clues’: the blind spots, those spots inside you that you can not see, nor even really feel, but nevertheless are there — your mind ‘tricks them out of view’ — out of fear, of course…. Yet still, in this context, they ‘ruled’, and kept me in a treadmill of (yes, mainly) fear, in spite of the obvious evolution I was going through.

The first weeks of the MasterKey-experience were kind of a ‘piece of cake’ (except for a few hassles) and quite frankly I was becoming a bit impatient (ooopsss…ooooh yes….), even if I definitely experienced a few break-throughs and could feel myself moving towards some deeper stuff, as I mentioned last week. But still, those were not ‘blind spots’, those things I did know about, just had not come to the inner strength yet to address them fully. And lacked the skills to do so.

But, oh yeah, this week, I stumbled on one, over one, fell ‘into‘ one: a blind spot. Yeehaaa!

But also: OUCH!

For years now, especially those last five years, I lived by my motto ‘faith in fate’, relaxing in the idea and concept, and comforting feeling that whatever was ‘mine’ (not only in a material way, I mean this more in the sense of life-experiences) could not escape me, and what was not ‘mine’ to begin with I did not even have to bother trying getting it, for it would not happen. In other words: if something was not happening, that was because for some reason it did not belong to ‘me’, or ‘my path’. And in the other way: I did not have to stress about getting what really needed to be on that path of mine. The ‘just let it all happen’ — state of mind. (in a way, and with all respect, as I see it now, kind of a state of ‘resignation’)

After years of fearfully struggling and fighting and ‘cramping’ and trying to control kind of everything to somehow ‘cope’ — and luckily due to that other still ‘magical’ part of mine that was silenced but thankfully still stubbornly active underneath I was blessed with quite a number of ‘miracles’ at the same time — this attitude of ‘faith in fate’ (actually installed after gradual ‘insight’ that those miracles WERE actually happening after all 🙂 ) –was a very welcome relief, and this ‘controlling nerve’ of mine got de-activated, bit by bit. I sure became a lot happier, even if circumstances were not always what I would have liked (in a way I gave up wanting them the way I would have liked them…. ). But hey, I managed to stay overall positive and faithful, and relatively relaxed.

I thought.

So now over the last few days, a lot happened inside as well as outside, also ‘because’ of this 7-days mind-diet that put me with my nose right on my blind spot (well, for now, I assume that this would be the only one … 😀 …..). If I was not going to fail all together, the entire program, I had to look myself straight in the eye, look even deeper, and see there….. a panicking, impatient, faith-less kind of control-freak that was fighting like a devil in holy water…. splashing nearly all of that overboard.

I created for myself quite an important deadline, a few weeks ago, with full faith that I would get it, because, of course, I have done ALL my readings and exercises and everything to the fullest and even more, with the whole gusto and everything. Believing. Joyfully. Lovingly. Enthusiastically.

And… still things seemed to follow their own compass steering me right into failure (panickkk!!!!!!) and therefor disillusion ‘You see that this was not for you, this works for everybody, but not for you’ and again, ‘because I do not deserve it, or what???? THIS devil was gone, I thought!!’

Actually that-one HAS gone. But there was another at work.

‘Live by the intention, not the method’. Ah, yes. Right.

It took me a few extra days to see it. I had made my goals clear, and was confident to get them.

L'incompréhension metallic pastel G. van Assche

L’incompréhension
metallic pastel
G. van Assche

BUT: I also secretly tried to apply ‘old methods’ to get there, trying to take control over time (‘when’, ‘how fast’, ‘if this is not gotten done by NOW the whole thing will collapse’, …), and over ‘how’ I would get to my goals (yep, still looking within my narrow means and beliefs about ‘how this should work’, forgetting that I do not have to know yet how things will work out, in this new frame of MasterKey-mind). I was once again pushing myself into a corset that was almost literally cutting of my breath. Forcing, trying to take total control. Freaking panic came bursting out almost throughout all my pores. I actually never before experienced such panick-attacs, not even in my most ‘constant-in-fear-modus’ younger years.

… so I thought that I had acquired faith, already, in the past….. Ouch.

I kind of was that kid that plants a seed and then goes looking every minute — eh, every SECOND — if it was already sprouting, and if so, if that would be in the right direction, and be the right plant…oh fear, oh fear….

Back to square one. Or better said: on this one: finally on square one, finally ready to embark.

Cute little miracle: the day I ‘saw’ what I was really doing, I learned that my deadline could EASILY be delayed, giving me DOUBLE the amount of time to realize my goal (I will faithfully let my subconscious do the timing now, giving it also time and space to ‘incubate’ that goal properly….I PROMISE!), AND that I actually had the wrong information about certain aspects of it. So now that has been straightened out too… if I would have made ‘my’ deadline, it would have been the wrong goal…

So: new mindset : Taking control over ‘taking control’. (I figure if a well-exercised muscle is there, better make GOOD use of it 😀 😀 )

And LET THE MAGIC HAPPEN.

Oh, and the secret was love, even a lot more of unconditional love, for myself and all the panic and insecurities, the process, my current ‘outer world’, AND love for the people that will be affected by what I’m about to put into realization.

Because actually, in my sheer panic, I was too pre-occupied also with ‘me getting my goal’, and not about how this project would serve the people that I’m creating it for… Realizing this, again, focussing on my INTENTION rather than on the method, was the trigger for the insight. Thank you, love.

Week 6 : HearzCompass(ion)

So we turned to Mandino’s Scroll 2.

Getting to my core-business now:Kiss

‘I will greet this day with love in my heart

Last week, a few days before we changed to this scroll, and after having read in the first scroll for 30 days, 3 times a day ‘I walk tall among men and they know me not, for today I am a new (wo)man, with a new life’ — the sentence that resonated most with me, also since this is really about changing that old overdue blue-print, right down into the core of the DNA so to speak — I went to my chiropractor.

I go there once a month, so last time he saw me before that was just after I started this MasterKey-Experience, and right after the very first readings of this sentence. He is an extremely intuitive guy, that can ‘look inside your head and read your energies’. For example: a few years ago, quite some time before I composed my very first piece and was not even really thinking about starting it, he said out off the blue (I never told him that maybe one day I might become a composer): ‘So when are you finally going to write down all those sounds that are inside your head?’ That kind of therapist.

Also, when I go there, I never have to tell him what is bothering me, he just puts his hands where it is needed and starts to work. And it’s always spot on. He knows and follows me and helps me evolving now for about 15 years.

So last week, one month later, I’m there, and he does the usual half hour of treatment — lots on the stomach, by the way, that famous Solar(com)plexus of mine that has been worked on so hard the last few weeks … but I did not tell him that, he just felt it — and then he said ‘You really evolved quite a bit since last time, amazing, I’m getting completely different information from your energies, it’s almost as if I have been working on a completely different person‘.

…….. well yes, he knew me not for that day, as every day, I was a new woman with a new life……

Indélébile metallic pastel G. van Assche

Indélébile
metallic pastel
G. van Assche

And right after that, he said something about now the heart-center being challenged — due to old traumatic stuff that is ‘next in line’…..

Ouch. Ah yes, THAT old stuff, that I feel is there, under the surface, but still did not want to make itself ‘namable’. Feels like it is engraved a bit too deep though… non-deletable…

But OK, on with it, focussing my mind on cleaning it out.

And of course, BAM! (that’s THE MasterKeyExpression, I noticed, by the way 🙂 ), a few days later we turn to the scroll about ‘the heart’ (I actually was wondering already some time about when ‘love’ and ‘heart’ were going to be addressed….).

So at first, I was really over the moon, THIS is what I’m about, this is MY subject, the frequencies of the heart, the ‘Hearz‘…..! So I felt like completely in my element.

But….. BAM, again, though this time with another meaning. Resistance set in. That old part that is getting focussed on now, does everything to play hide-and-seek and is doing it’s stubborn best to break my intentions and energies. Messing up just about everything, interfering wherever it can.

Confusion metallic pastel G. van Assche

Confusion
metallic pastel
G. van Assche

It’s quite confusing. Everything flips from one end of the spectrum, creating wonderful, sparkling little miracles and joyous events when I go out and address everyone with a silent ‘I love you’, to me being filled with doubts and fears and even physically feeling ‘ill’.

My inner compass is at times pointing at all directions at the same time, it seems.

OK then, ‘first aid first’: putting myself in the middle of my compass, and let it turn all around me if it wants, I love it to bits, oh yeah, but gonna love myself even a little bit more now, unconditionally. Determined to create a new magnetic center, and field, from the heart. My WHOLE heart: including the bits and pieces that are still fearfully and painfully resisting and therefor do not ‘resonate’ yet with that updated version of me. (and that discrepancy makes them sound even more ‘off’ at the moment. burks.)

Introspection metallic pastel G. van Assche

Introspection
metallic pastel
G. van Assche

So: a time for introspection. Looking for that new compass: (music) The range of notes of a musical instrument or voice, that will enrich my Rainbow even more once the sun comes out again.

Week 5 : Allegory of the Cave — fast forward to the past and back to the future.

Wonderful.

This MasterKey -experience is absolutely my biotope, feeling like a fish in fresh, vivid water.

La Voyante metallic pastel G. van Assche

La Voyante
metallic pastel
G. van Assche

All my life, I have had issues with the notion of ‘time’ and oh, also when I was very little, I used to mix time and space up, in any kind of way. Somehow they must have seemed ‘the same matter’ and ‘of no matter’ for and to me.

Of course, I got ‘educated’, and I manage very well now, thank you. (Or, well, in the way that my reality of the moment seems to ask of me. Inside, somewhere down-deep, not a lot has changed, the magma of time and space and forms and no forms is still just as, well, magma-like.)

I had (and occasionally still have) many dreams that later on turned out to be ‘predictions’ — like when I was about 8 or so, I dreamed about a huge (the most important actually) aspect of my life, being a musician, up until when I was about 20, and one event even 40, things and stuff I could absolutely NOT know consciously about at the time I dreamed it–, or I find myself in situations where suddenly a gesture or word feels like if they belong to ‘two time-realities’: the one of that moment, and one I already lived some time before — but have no apparent conscious memory of, yes, ‘déjà vus’.

Transformation metallic pastel G. van Assche

Transformation
metallic pastel
G. van Assche

When I started the energy-work, I somehow got ‘called’ to also get into working on ‘genealogical lines’, on stuff that since generations had been stored into the DNA, and creates our blue-prints of behavior. Which was very enlightening: suddenly I could ‘see’ and understand the links between past events (from generations before) and behavior in the present, and ‘clean it out’, so that in time, the DNA can ‘change’, or at least some parts be made inactive, and others that are ‘dormant’ get a ‘wake-up-call’. Fascinating.

During one sit last week, when the assignment was to release negative thoughts/emotions, I suddenly saw my new blueprint, the one in my DMP, being ‘tattooed’ into my cells and my DNA. So: fast-forwarding into the past, to create a new future. Great. (hey, I’m actually becoming a Master of Time here 😀 , oh well, AND of matter, for that matter 😀 )

This week, with the new assignment during the sit, focussing on a wonderful place/event and ‘live it in all it’s details’ with all the positive energy that comes with it, suddenly I was drawn back into a past event that happened a few years ago and that left a deep and actually life-changing impression in ‘my matter‘.

Place of ‘crime’: the Blue Cave, of that glorious little gem in the Mediterranean, Kastelorizo, one of the Dodekanesos-islands.

When we wanted to get inside (with a small motor-boat, you can only get there over the sea), due to the strong winds, the sea-level was unusually high, and therefor the entrance of the cave had become very narrow. The boatsman decided to risk it anyway, we had to lie down on the floor of the boat and very, very slowly he went into the entrance, a quite long stoney ‘corridor’, which immediately made me think of a birth canal.

Once inside the cave (the way in seemed to take FOR EVER, and was actually quite frightening), at first, you could see……. well, nothing. Pitch-black, and complete silence. So first emotion: big disappointment, I had heard it was supposed to be SO beautiful…….?? But then after a while, suddenly, the whole cave lit up in the most magnificent spectrum of blue colors, dancing on the ceiling and the walls, and the water underneath was of a breathtaking beauty as well……. If you have not seen this, you can simply not imagine it.

Le Cri Primordial metallic pastel G; van Assche

Le Cri Primordial
metallic pastel
G; van Assche

Then the captain said we could get out of the boat, and swim for a while. I needed only half a word, IN, I went. The best feeling ever, gorgeous warm water, and that light! Those colors! The sounds of the water, amplified and echoing all around….!! I truly felt in heaven, and suddenly felt like ‘this is the womb of the earth, and WHAT an incomparable feeling to be inside and nurtured and, simply WELL’ …. it felt like in an instant I had made peace with my whole past and was preparing myself to be born again, finally AS MYSELF.

So, this was the space I was drawn back to during the sit, and for some reason, I had to place the cave in my heart-center. And then suddenly, one by one, all of my animals, all the dogs I ever had, all my cats came and joined me (well, they stayed nice and dry inside the boat :p ), and then a horse, and an eagle, and an elephant (Ganesh!) and a lion, and a unicorn, and, and, and …….. a whole Arch of Noach was being created right in front of my eyes, and each animal that was added heightened the feeling of joy, and bliss, and —- I have no words to describe the wonderfulness of the feelings that arose.

Kundalini metallic pastel G. van Assche

Kundalini
metallic pastel
G. van Assche

And then, top of the bill: a dolphin came swimming towards me, and actually ‘installed itself inside my cells’  —- this one, I actually forgot about over the last few years, but I once had an obsession with them, especially with the way they communicate. So it’s back now! The channel is open again! 🙂 (I know, I sound nuts, but hey, it’s MY fantasy here eh ! 🙂 )

And then it became clear: one of my aims is to have a deep and genuine connection and communications with animals — for several reasons, but one of them being that they are all different aspects of the ‘soul’, they all represent specific qualities and feelings (yes, like totem-animals), and in my work, my music as well as my energy-work, they already came up and joined to make me conscious about ‘inner and outer nature’, and in that sense they are all different aspects of myself, that want to communicate to me in their ‘symbolic form’.

I felt SO welcomed and complete. And grateful. And humbled in a magnificent way. And this thought came up “from here, after having dug into the past to ‘understand’ your ‘now’, you can go back to your future, the one that already exists from since you were born. Because the ‘now’ of this moment, is the past of that future. Remember the feeling, hold the thought, the matter will follow.”

When I came out of the sit, I remembered Platon’s Allegory of the Cave.

Dimensions Infinis metallic pastel G. van Assche

Dimensions Infinis
metallic pastel
G. van Assche

Well, that’s what it is, only: inside out. The ‘real’ reality, is inside, and the ‘outside’ is the reflection. 

Week 4 : The Girl with the GoldenRainbowMarbles

….. once upon a time ….

…there was a girl, living in Rainbowland, made of the same stuff she herself was made of: all imaginable colors, that you could also hear if you closed your eyes, swirling freely and joyfully, with little specks of gold-dust flowing in all directions whenever she danced and jumped around in her wonderful dream-like world, and where she felt, she just KNEW, everything was possible. She just had to imagine it, and it would appear.

MarblesShe had a wonderful collection of little gems that she liked to play with, tossing them around, and listening to the impact they had on her surroundings. Those gems were actually crystallized inner wisdom, knowledge, the spots where here conscious mind connected and had direct and uncorrupted access to the vast AllContaining Universe. She used them both ways: she tossed them when she wanted to playfully experiment with what they would create, or when she was at times a bit lost in her feelings, she would take one, look and listen deep inside, and find the answers she was looking for. Those little gems were, in truth, the building-stones of her reality. But actually, she was not conscious of this.

Because of her curious and experimental nature, every once in while she forgot that what and who she encountered were her own creations, even if at times they seemed not to be as wonderful and colorful as she was used to see and live amongst. Those creatures now somehow intertwined with her feelings and tried to take control, by seaming fear, doubt, guilt, …. and unfortunately little by little, they won. And one day, she woke up, and found herself in a world that was not very bright anymore, gloomy, cold, hostile even….

She heard voices, all over again, all around her, about how silly she was, believing in her world of light and love and colors and harmony and prosperity. She was called a foolish dreamer, living in illusions, and she’ld better come to grips with ‘reality’. Little by little she started to believe those voices, circumstances seemed to prove them right, so …..

Every once in a while she turned back to her little gems, but every time she looked for them, there was one less….. and the ones remaining gradually turned into grey, dull stones… And then one day, yes, she had lost them, all, her shine beautiful marbles…..they must have disappeared somewhere, in every corner of her still vast and eager mind….

But she was brave, and somehow, a vague memory was kept alive that murmured ‘keep on

L'Evasion metallic pastell G. van Assche

L’Evasion
metallic pastell
G. van Assche

dreaming, keep your faith, one day, you will return!’ and this hope became her little inner star, it made it’s nest in her solar plexus, sometimes made itself so small you would think she lost it, but no, it would keep on shining, poking her mind from inside ‘Remember who you are!’

So she decided to follow this little star, which was actually her last remaining marble. And that one must have kept his wireless connections to all the others, somewhere, because every once in a while, suddenly, she remembered, in a flash, and she got answers and insights that helped her getting on. And then she forgot again.

But so unconsciously she was following her inner star, and every time she suddenly ‘by coincidence’ stumbled on an event that seemed to be sent by heaven –like finding ‘her’ musical instrument, this little start grew little bit and got stronger. So bit by bit, she started to remember more and more, also her faith became stronger again, and she got really fascinated by this inner world, and decided to investigate it.

Controversion metallic pastel G. van Assche

Controversion
metallic pastel
G. van Assche

So she plunged in, deep. And boy, did she found demons there…. all her own creations that had started to live their own lives and were actually steering her without her knowing…. which had transformed her into a ‘little control-deamon’ herself which she did not like AT ALL — but hey she couldn’t help herself…..– which threw her into abysses of despair and depression and self-hate….

But she was courageous and tenacious too, still this one little voice was pulling her out over and over again, and so she got aware again of all those frequencies and how they interact and intertwine, and make knots and not very harmonious chords if you let them…. and so she got into energy-work, trying to figure out how to take back control over this, in a healthy way. This was so overwhelming that at times she felt like not only had she lost her marbles, but she also lost her way. The fear of getting lost in this inner (and outer) labyrinth was paralyzing. And she did not know where to go next, nor what to do. Even her music seemed to want to abandon her, because of physical troubles due to several accidents…. (accidents, she understood, were only created by her little inner star to put her on the path of self-discovery…)

So in a moment of ‘sudden insight’ she decided consciously ‘OK then…. I surrender…bring me wherever I can be of most service, in whatever way.’ Gradually, things started to change. But some   behavior, ‘bad habit-behavior’, proved to be resistant. She felt like it was incrusted into her bones and she could not ‘get there’. This was a big disappointment for her, one of so many. Actually, this was one of the bad habits: she had become addicted to disappointment, and was setting herself up for it over and over again, without realizing that she did that herself.

And then one day, she stumbled over a key that suddenly was lying on her road. She picked it up.

The Key metallic pastel G. van Assche

The Key
metallic pastel
G. van Assche

She felt as like a magnetic force was pulling this key towards a door that had been awaiting for her since ever she lost her marbles….  Hesitantly at first but then more and more intrigued, dedicated and enthusiastic she decided to follow the call of this key, the MasterKey.

She opened the door….. and oh! there she saw them, her marbles! Still all little dull grey stones, but they definitely were HER marbles! She was over the moon as she started to collect them. She just knew, that now, she was going home again, come what may.

One by one, she put them right next to her little star in her solar plexus, and suddenly it hit her, that actually those marbles, were also her own cells, like Og Mandino’s grape-seeds…. and that actually every one of them had their own solar plexus and ‘digestive problems’ and chakra-system, that every little cell was made out of the exact same all-embracing rainbow-material as herself… that they were all little individuals, ever single one of them with their own Definite Main Purpose in life…..

This blew her away. ‘But of course!! THIS is the way to get inside my bones!!’

She started to address consciously all the cells of her body, of all the tissues, first apologized to them for not supporting them, for abusing them, ‘Ho’oponopono!’. Then she promised them that she was going to serve them by creating the best possible environment for them so that they could joyfully and enthusiastically fulfill their own, individual DMP’s, every single one of them…. and that way, they would serve her to create her own Definite Main Purpose in life equally effortlessly and enthusiastically…

And how would she do that? By cleaning and purging the space in between the cells, getting rid of the black sticky stuff there, the ‘food for the negative’, and of the debris, and replacing it again by vivid, vital rainbow-frequencies, blue, red, green yellow….. and every nuance in between using her mind and thoughts consciously this time……. so her cells could all reclaim their perfect balance in their own energy-systems, and pick the color they need to create the stomach, the bones, the articulations….. each their own, in perfect harmony and without inner attack form her fearful emotions. And because they were not attacked anymore, they would not feel no more need to auto destroy.

(The most funny and fantastic thing was that, the next day, in the MasterKey-webinar, she learned about the physical fact — peptides’ n’stuff — of what she just had understood energetically, of what she had seen with her inner eye, her ‘I’….. this of course enhanced her faith in the key AND herself exponentially, and encouraged her to trust the process even more. Waw.)

Happy cells are a condition for a happy life.

the Ultimate Smiley

the Ultimate Smiley

…… and then she realized: she had finally found her marbles AND collected them, and they are gradually turning back into the GoldenRainbowMarbles they had always been — she only had looked at them with too much fear’n’all in her eyes, which blinded and deafened her for all those colors and sounds –, full of inner wisdom and inner power, endless sources of all kinds of energy, of all the frequencies she might ever need or want to use.

So now she can start playing again, learning, experimenting, tossing them around, construct bridges with them, create her soul’s music, and dance….. but this time, fully conscious of the fact that SHE is the one creating, and that everything she will see and find on her path, is what she decides to be there.

Yes, now she can be what she wills to be. (And you can be assured that she will live happily ever after 🙂 .)

Week 3 : Solar (com)Plexus

Week 3 of the MasterMind experience, going down to the core. Great, this is why I’m in this.

About 9 months ago due to a car-accident, I got quite a severe whiplash, which also affected the nervus vagus. Because of this, among other symptoms, my stomach-area came into the picture, mostly the tension that was there. Was, already before, because most of my life this area has been tense, and I already spent many years working on that from different angles.

MagnaMater metallic pastel by G. van Assche

MagnaMater
metallic pastel by G. van Assche

“The Sympathetic System has its centre in a ganglionic mass at the back of the stomach known as the Solar Plexus, and is the channel of that mental action which unconsciously supports the vital functions of the body. The connection between the two systems (cerebrospinal and sympathetic) is made by the vagus nerve which passes out of the cerebral region as a portion of the voluntary system to the thorax, sending out branches to the heart and lungs, and finally passing through the diaphragm, it loses its outer coating and becomes identified with the nerves of the Sympathetic System, so forming a connecting link between the two and making man physically a “single entity”.” (from Haanel’s 3d Lesson)

The stomach-area: The third chakra. The inner sun. The will. Power-issues. Ego-issues. And on a physical level: the core of the body, the stomach, spleen, liver…..so: strength and digestion — which is actually a transformation: breaking down the food that comes in into particles that the body can use as fuel and to build itself. Link that to the emotional: emotional digestion, and transformation. What comes into my ‘body’, what do I allow to get in, and am I able to ‘digest and transform’ that so that it becomes useful for me to ‘build with’ in stead of ‘stuck’ and/or harmful? — Can I let this inner sun shine? — in BOTH senses of ‘can I’: am I able and am I allowed….?

As you can read in my ‘about’, my numerological number is 8, so ‘power-issues’ are a big chunk of my current existence. Power. What is it? Do I need it? Do i even have it? And if I have it, am I allowed to use it? Or, —oh fear!!— will I not ABuse it, as I witnessed so often around me?

It took me a number of years to understand that this ‘power-question’ actually is about my own internal power, that the only power I truly have is the power over my own inner world, inner strenght. It took me even more time to build enough faith that I would not abuse that power in the outer world, because if established right inside, there is no NEED to use it outward in a way that is harmful.

But, well, actually I already did, since very young: I DID abuse it.

By turning it against myself.

In order to try to somehow ‘fit’ and ‘earn a right to exist’ in a world that I did not feel welcome int AT ALL, I actually abused myself, in many ways.

I have a very strong will, and I abused it many times to force myself into thoughts and behavior and therefor situations that were absolutely not healthy for me. But I somewhere down the line (actually VERY early on) convinced myself that that was the only way to survive and get what I (thought I) needed. Which made me ‘clinch my teeth’, ‘get on with it’ and I was WAY too hard on myself — and others in the same breath….– in an almost chronic way. Completely denied my inner nature. And did, in term, not digest that very well…..

But, haha, that inner nature ALSO was (is) gifted with a strong will 🙂 …

… and over and over again it got me into situations where I was confronted with the abuse. At first this seemed to harden me even more, also physically, the tensions became almost like ‘concrete’, and it was only thanks to my extremely lax body-strutcure and my severe ‘outer’-will that I managed to still ‘move’ and even dance. And also, very early on, fear and worry took over, and weaseled their way into my thinking-patterns and behavior until they almost completely took over. I could get literally frozen of fear. And get a brick and several knots in my stomach. Yet still move around like an elf because of that will-power I wrongly used. Which, of course, abused my body very badly.

Short, it became in a way that battle of the giants, the ‘inner’ and the ‘outer’ ….. 😀 ….. and I learned, I polished, I changed, went completely into the other, passive, dynamic of ‘learning to just let it all happen’, which is, in it’s extreme, just another kind of power-issue….

And when I slipped, I got presented with some kind of accident…..

…. like the one 9 months ago. I somehow immediately knew that there was a profound reason for it to happen — well, that I ‘made’ it happen. So luckily I got immediately ‘on track’ to figure this one out. And, ‘this one’ turned out to be mainly about that, the core, that complex solar plexus-issue, my SolarComPlexus. AND about the link of it with the brain, the nervus vagus, that was also affected by the whiplash.

One thing lead to another, and then to me getting into Mastermind, where I was asked to get very specific about what I want in life, to get articulate about it, and to ‘take control’, (—help??? isn’t that dangerous? what if I control it wrong??? what if I harm other people by doing so?? doesn’t that make me a criminal???? exactly the kind of person I do NOT want to be??? and I just decided to ‘let go’…??? 😀  there you go, that old blueprint of mine…..)

Week’s 3 lesson and sitting-exercise brought me right to the core: my inner sun, the still immense though well-hidden tension in that area, and the link to my brain, it all jumped up during the sit and I could feel and hear it shout ‘finally!’ … finally I can start digesting so many issues that are stuck there.Thank you, MasterMind!  I’m over the moon. Or, should that be the ‘over the sun now’ 😀 .

Some people in my surroundings probably think ‘That’s it, now she’s loosing her marbles. What IS she going on about NOW?’ Well, about a golden opportunity, the one that I needed and always knew I would get (create 😉 ) , and so I am dedicated to it, and getting articulate about what I really need and want.

And no, I did not loose my marbles, I’m just about to start collecting them 🙂

—- marbles, articulate ….. suddenly ‘my rainbows‘ (see my previous posts) made a bridge to Eliza Doolitle, My Fair Lady. Boy do I sometimes feel like her lately! Reading texts over and over again day after day…. to let them sink into the unconscious to trick ‘StubbySubby’ into new ways of functioning, just like her ‘a, e, i, o, u’, and so on had to change her way of speaking and she couldn’t get it ….I’m sure you all know the scene when professor Higgins puts marbles in her mouth to make her articulate her English well ….. 😉 ….. and then suddenly one day, bam! she’s got it….. 😉 ….

Well, I’m well on my way to re-establish a good and direct, updated and uncorrupted link between the brain in my head and that other brain in the stomach-area.

Or: from Solar ComPlexus, towards solarplexus.com.

Week 2: My Bridges, the sequel

…..so, my bridges-metaphor from my previous blog decided to go a step deeper…

During my sitting, while focussing on the 2 brain-hemispheres, suddenly I saw a rainbow appearing in between them, a beautiful bridge to connect them on a new level as it seemed.

Then a rainbow appeared linking my two hands, energy traveling in both ways, wonderful feeling.

(OK, small insert: some of you may freak a bit now, but hey, this is how it is for me, it is my personal truth: Rainbows always have had a very special meaning in my life, every time I made it to a next step of inner evolution, marked with an important event, it was accompanied by a rainbow appearing somewhere in the sky. My sign is Aquarius, and I once read in a description that that was the sign that was capable of both completely objectively understand ‘scientifically’ how and why a rainbow appears and completely subjectively believe in the magic, fairy-tale-aspect and miracle of it at the same time — just a metaphor, of course, but in my case this specific ‘image’ is accurate. The dreamer in me has always sensed a deep connection with it, and it has guided me through very dark passages in my past, in spite of my “objective-to-the-bone-‘get-real!'”-part.)

Well, back to ‘reality’ now 😉 … So, I’m sitting — the bridge-metaphor freshly in my mind…

And then … bam! …. it struck me, like a tornado: all those bridges I started constructing, those energetic bridges, they will be/are built out of full, vibrant and almost tangible rainbows of colors and rainbows of sound, all frequencies present. Yes, that’s my aim, and that’s what they showed me to do. Dig deep inside, and find them all, listen to them, polish them, revive them, balance them. That’s also what I stated in my initial blog last week. (So, back on track, in spite of the digital issues I had to deal with 😉 … )

Because that’s the material I am built of. The full bright, yet calm white color an white sound of the Universal Mind that contains everything in perfect harmony.

It got (appeared) a bit scattered and partly muted due to a malformed prism of an agitated mind, wrong thinking and some bad habits. Now I’m dedicated to developing the skills to make that prism ‘whole’, clear and clean again, so that all those dazzling frequencies can shine and sound and do their magical work of transformation and connecting, of and with myself and whomever wants to join me on this path.

What a wonderful world, filled with rainbow bridges, inviting us to take the risk and ‘travel by them’, to that beautiful ‘somewhere over the rainbow’, that will be ‘a bridge too far no longer’…..

Week 2: a bridge too far no longer.

…. and suddenly I’m an architect.

Building bridges, multiple bridges.

Or maybe it’s all the same, one bridge, that seemed ‘ a bridge too far’ for, well, a long-long time, ever since I started believing that I was ‘just’ a ‘foolish’ dreamer with too much imagination.

Or at least, part of me started to agree with this judgement. Part of me always kept this state of mind, much to my bliss as I discovered bit by bit in my life. I seemed to be ‘lucky’ ever so often, blessed with completely ‘impossible’ events that occurred. Now I understand that it was that part that kept on dreaming and believing ‘in spite of’ that created those events.
The part that started to identify with the ‘just a foolish dreamer’ seemed on the other hand to do it’s best to sabotage the possibilities that occurred over and over again, to prove ‘it being right’.

Building a bridge in between those parts now. A bridge form conscious to unconscious.

And again, ‘as within so without’, suddenly I see the parallel, the metaphor of me first having to build bridges between my mind and……well, technology, the web.

Now THAT has seemed a bridge REALLY too far for ever since I (was forced to) start using a computer and get on the internet.
Although not really being stupid, to say the least (haha 🙂 ), my mind just goes ‘freaking blank’ in front of it and I would rather run in the other direction 200 miles per hour.Somehow I mastered more or less the little skills that I have and that are just about sufficient to function in this ‘world’ almost ‘in spite of myself’, but pleazzze! don’t ask more of me!!

Well then, getting into MasterMind.

Mission: learn to understand and master my Mind and to learn to use it properly to change what needs to be changed in my life.
Great. I’m ALL for, and committed to the bone.
But woooopppsssssss! ‘Get Twitter! (burksss!) Get a blog-site! (eh, what….?) Write a blog (djeeeeezesss…) Get connected to those Webinars (catastrophe!) Having problems there? Get another browser! (freeezzzzeeee!!!!) ….
Panic, sheer panic over and over again and a completely unwilling brain to start with.

ME and COMPUTERS and INTERNET (well more than email and the good ol’Facebook)???

MANY BRIDGES TOO FAR.

Was about to quit a few times the whole MasterMind experience just because of that. (WHAT a stupid shame that would be.)
But luckily, just in time, I figured out the ‘red alarm’: ‘this is just me having resistance to change and finally make that big leap and all those realizations I have always dreamed about!!’
‘Well yes, you are a foolish dreamer after all. Will not happen. Not possible. Can’t. Bridge too far. Forget it. It’s only for others. Not for you. You do not deserve it, you foolish dreamer’.

But wait a minute, hold on, that’s exactly why I got into this……!

So, reluctantly at first and struggling for hours on certain stuff (MasterMind takes only 1 hour a day? NO WAY 😀 😀 ) but: can’t believe that I DID manage it all (or you would not be reading this, obviously 🙂 ) …. because the price not to was just too big. Suddenly I was and am DETERMINED to get into it and get it done, and get it done NOW!

And so today, it struck me: the metaphor, the parallel:

that internet, that computer containing those zillions of thingies and possibilities and even more links to create in between, is actually as dumb as a brick, it only does what I tell it to do and more so: only understands very simple and clear instructions, or it will go completely bazurk and start playing tricks on you.
Wait yet another minute….. sounds like the subconscious, no?
So, there i go: building a bridge too far no longer between my well, slightly scattered 😉 conscious brain and that confused subconscious of mine, learning how to program and use both of them.

So I WILL be able to build the bridge to my dreams.

And bonus: I now am also building a bridge too far no longer towards you all 🙂 .
Hello, nice meeting you!

Week 1: eh … ‘Hearz’…?

Welcome to my first blog ever.

Entering a new fascinating adventure, feeling all jittery to write about it….. although it is the very logical continuation of every step I have taken so far on this earth, and even before. And once more, ‘events’ occurred in perfect synchronicity up onto this point to make me go for it. Blessed be them.

If you are still breaking your tongue and mind over my blog-title, here’s why it is the way it is:

I’m a musician in heart and soul, a ‘sound-artist’, obsessed almost with sound, the whole spectrum of it, all the frequencies (yes, the ‘Herz’ ….. so, got it now? Heart/Herz –> Hearz 😉 ?)
And obsessed mostly with the influence, the impact those frequencies have on all ‘matter'(which is, in itself, dense sound), so yes, also on us, our body, our mind, our soul,the link with our emotions….

Once I started to get seriously into music, it became clear that music, sound, is my ‘red wire’, outward for communication, but most importantly ‘inward’, into the depths of my own soul.
It almost literally forced me to go inside and ‘listen’.

It became a passion to uncover and understand what is going on in there, so that I could ‘use’ it as ‘material, source, food’ for the artistic expression, an expression that would be easily understood by others, even unconsciously.

It seems to me that since we all have all frequencies inside of us, may it be in different ‘proportions’, and some maybe almost mute, the soul will recognise the frequencies that matter to it, that it needs,
and will start to resonate with it and (in term) respond to it. So will the body by the way, emotions stored in certain body parts will respond and ‘be shaken loose’ by specific frequencies.

So: talking from the heart with Herz to the hearts of others.

Recently I also started to do ‘energy-work’, channeling energy, which to me is in a way quite similar, since in my music I also feel like channeling energies from other realms.

Or maybe that ‘realm’ is my soul.
So I’m striving to become as pure a channel as possible to ‘bring down’ those frequencies and ‘materialize’ them into audible, ‘tangible’ sound.
And by doing this, my inner work intensified.

Yet…… I also noticed over and over again that there were ‘blind spots’, or should I say, in my case ‘deaf spots’, knots that I could not unravel and that seemed to block and sabotage me, life-long. And although gradually becoming aware of them, it seemed impossible to remove them or ‘open them up’ and free myself from them.
An accident (whiplash, with neurological consequences) brought me in contact with neurofeedback, and this started to fascinate me. How you really can feel inside your brain the change induced by 1 frequency. Amazing. My intention was set: i was going to heal myself completely, inside and out, by healing and harmonizing my brain, and ‘align’ my mind.

And BaDaBoom…. the MasterMind, Masterkey experience came on my path.

All the pieces of my puzzle fell into place. It feels like THE moment I have been waiting for all my life, that has been prepared for also all my of life, THE tool to bring the partly scattered frequencies inside my mind into harmony and alignment….. wonderful.I have known already as a child that one day I would succeed in this.(but sometimes forgot this knowledge and plunged into despair. But hey, I wanted to get to know ALL frequencies eh … 😀 )

Of course, as within so without: the first Webcast-session showed me exactly what is going on inside me: scattered connection, scattered sound (thank you, technology :p ), and therefor missing out of big chunks, the frustration of ‘not being able to control it’….. and all the old emotions linked to that…. yeah,I know where to start working, hands on, feet on, everything on 😀

Bonus: since this whole adventure started, suddenly I am surrounded with events and links and insights and discussions about frequencies… seems like I’m on My Path…. yippie !