WHAT a week that has been…. up-down-up-down …. 8 …
I have lived through SO much, discovered and uncovered, bumped into, nailed and failed, laughed my heart to pieces and cried my heart out, trembled for tremendous fear and tremendous thrill and bliss, had incredible fun and incredible heartache, went all the way down and more than I knew was possible up, down again into other depths, and up again to the top of yet another high, couldn’t sleep because of panic and tremendous worry, and couldn’t sleep because of tremendous bliss and joy and sense of the most profound accomplishment I ever had, was able to surrender to my highest self one day, and wasn’t the next day, and the next day managed to just let it all go again, found my power and could apply it and got paralized by fear the next day, was almost choked by panic one moment and found immense liberty of (creative) expression the next, managed to sacrifice my ego one day, and got sacrificed by and to my ego the next, and back, felt connected to all and everyone and felt completely isolated and cut off, felt my most glorious possible way of ‘being me’ and for a split second thought about making an end to it,
persisted doing all the readings and exercises in despair and managed to also persisted during the highest joy, stayed faithful to the MKMMA and wanted to throw it all out of the window at one point — but luckily didn’t — had fantastic insights and equally ‘fantastic’ incomprehension, felt more ‘me’ than ever before and ‘not like me AT ALL’, loved to a point where I thought my heart was going to explode and hated myself to an extend I didn’t know I was still capable of.
In short: what a glorious week, especially for someone who wrote in her DMP that ‘being passionate about my deep, intuitive and EVER EXPANDING insight in the human soul, mind and body (…..) fills me with a deep sense of joyful accomplishment’ ….. be careful what you wish for … 😀 ….
…..And yes, the joyful accomplishment won, also in regard to most of the other goals in my DMP that got all ‘touched’ more or less specifically this week — and even two of the events mentioned in my Press Release …. yes, HAVE BEEN MATERIALIZED 🙂 …
And oh, for a girl that wants to end up living in the mountains: who needs mountains outside when you have the ‘Himalaya-in-square’ inside your soul to travel through….. or oh, since I live in them inside very consciously, I will soon live in them outside….. yeeha… 😀 (oh, but note to Self: ‘hmm well, the Pyrenees will do, thank you very much… 🙂 ‘ )
One thing troubled me though, couldn’t get the mechanism behind the ‘one day I succeed, and the next I don’t, and back and forth, why can’t I get a grip on that? WHAT is this about? And WHY?’….
Good thing I stumbled on MarkJ’s video about the retreat today, just before starting my blog: keyword: ‘detachment’…..
When I look back: the times I succeeded, I somehow ‘instinctively’ had managed to detach from the outcome, and the times I ‘failed’, I was actually fearfully attached to a specific outcome…..