Week 8: from Aladim back to Aladin

ah……. week 8 …. 8, ‘my’ number…. seemed only natural that it would be a huge week for me.
And so it is, still is — it’s not over yet….
And where to begin…..

I can hardly keep up with insights and understandings and things ‘clicking’, and ‘aha’-moments, and accomplishments… seems only light and bright and sunshiny….

Insight

Insight, metallic pastel, G van Assche

But also dived DEEP, into the opposite ‘circle’ of the 8, deep into the grim and painful and not-yet-thorouhly-felt/accepted, and am still confused and searching about how to give place to some stuff that even if it surfaced, is not yet ‘balanced’ and integrated, and how to ‘be’ according to that.

It started with Haanel’s ‘battle-ship’. Right in my first sit with it, it was crystal-clear that it was a huge and unexpected metaphor for ‘me’, and “tracing back to it’s origins” became “tracing back to my own origins”, to the very first, original thoughts that made me — in some ways — into this grim monster….

“See the grim monster floating on the surface of the water; there appears to be no life anywhere about; all is silence; you know that by far the largest part of the vessel is under water; out of sight;(…) you know that although it lies apparently oblivious to everything else, it has eyes which see everything for miles around, and nothing is permitted to escape its watchful vision; you know that while it appears quiet, submissive and innocent, it is prepared to hurl a steel projectile weighing thousands of pounds at an enemy many miles away…”

I will have to cut MANY corners here, but basically this was about “I who has thought ‘me’ “, and why I thought at one time I had to be a battle-ship, defending (why? what?) protecting (why? what?).

So much of this had already surfaced and dealt with much earlier in my life, but obviously there was more…… yes, another blind spot!

(OK, warning: what follows may make you think ‘what a cocky girl….’, but I feel in my guts and heart that I HAVE to speak and express my truth here, now, just for me. That was exactly part of the insight. Sorry if this disturbs you.)

The whole week I have been confronted now with it, in different forms and shapes, even playing a music-piece with this as a title (and oh irony only today understood….): “Crypsis”, the ability for a organism to blend in with its environment.

That’s exactly what I did. I toned myself down, since very young, to ‘blend in’. Yes, I always was ‘too fast and too smart’ for my surroundings. Knew

ach, Bitterheid….

Ach, Bitterheid…. metallic pastel G. van Assche

too much, ‘just like that’, (access to infinite intelligence…. 😉 ….), started doing everything way before I was supposed to (crawling, walking, talking, reading…….), I speak too fast, I think too fast, I move too fast, I asked questions in school my teachers had no answer for…… Still I ask questions that are often not understood, ‘going too deep too fast’ I guess… So I get a LOT of ‘wrong’ answers……. (But luckily, I am smart enough 😉 to still use the answers to see if I can drag something else still useful out of it for me…. 😉 )

And all this made me feel miserable, ‘out of tune’, apparently ‘frightening’ others, irritating them also, because I also simply feel and ‘see’ things I’m not supposed to ‘insights’, just liked that, see ‘behind the curtains, analyze to the bone in no time, in spite of myself, make links and connections in between stuff that most cannot follow. So I often simply better shut up to not create chaos around me, (that’s how it feels/felt to me), or try to express myself in a way my surroundings would understand i.e. in a way muting, dimming myself, even if subtly, and slowing myself down. All this energy ‘kept inside’ actually was gradually making me sick, in symbolic ways too: concussions, several ones, and nerve-injuires, probably in an unconscious attempt to “shut off my brain, or at least slow it down and get it ‘to normal’, and feel less, and ‘sit still, don’t move!’…. ”

Short: tough to handle.

So very young also I made a conscious decision to tone myself down, and blend in, pass my time here ‘incognito’. Did not want to ‘derange’ my surroundings.

…..but of course did, because I was not happy with that.

Eternal Child

Eternal Child, metallic pastel G. van Assche

And my still healthy inner ‘magical part’ did not allow me to be like that, and displayed ‘my true colors’ often in spite of me (ask my surroundings :D, they might not even understand what I’m ‘on about’ here, but at the inside, this is how it looked and felt/feels!), and I did not know how to handle that myself. Yikes. My personality simply did/does not allow me to be ‘incognito’, much to my regret, at times….   So often enough at night in bed I would internally beat myself up about ‘what I had done again…..’

So back to the metaphor: suddenly, today, I saw that the origin of it, symbolically was….. Aladin’s wonder lamp. I saw it, once the ‘matter’ of the ship was fading ‘into it’s origins in time’, there it was: in the heart of the battle-ship. Aladin’s lamp,that had been ‘rubbed the wrong way’ for too long (there’s still a lot to investigate about that, about why I once thought that was necessary, eons of times ago — yes, way before ‘this’ identity. Because yes that too I created myself, no-one else but me made me do this).

So the genius withdrew, tried to hide somewhere in a corner, in silence and melancholically playing with her golden rainbow marbles…..

 

Stardust

Insight, metallic pastel, G van Assche

But so this week he (she 😉 ) got out again, and starts to polish her lamp. It starts already to sparkle beyond imagination. Pure rainbowy, golden stardust.

Polishing it from Aladim back to Aladin(ica). 🙂

Rejoice! (and oh, I KNOW that I’m not the only one. How about all of us taking a beautiful cloth soaked in love and start polishing our battle-ships back into the wonder lamps they really are….. 😉 …?)

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16 thoughts on “Week 8: from Aladim back to Aladin

  1. Mani

    Sublime music and powerful words. I can really identify with your sentiments around toning yourself down. It is time for all of us to express the full vibrant souls that we really are. More power to you… I love the beautiful images you include in your posts each week thank you 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. dominica8 Post author

      oh thank you so much Mani….. I admit that I was a bit afraid to post it, because of some people maybe being offended by it….. uh-oh, dear old BluePrint! 🙂 And yes those images: that’s the artwork of my late mother. Gorgeous, aren’t they… and SO powerful! One of my PPN’s is recognition fro creative expression, and I expanded that to ALL creative expression, not just mine. My mum ALSO deserved a LOT more of that than she got during her life-time. So now I decided to do that for her, posthumous. Thank you for noticing them! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  2. masterkeymartin

    Dominica, you write and express yourself beautifully. It’s wonderful that you are realising your true self, have polished your lamp, and that it is on display for all to see. Congratulations. I cannot believe anyone would be offended by that!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. dominica8 Post author

      ooooooh thank you SO much! I actually feel kind of relieved hearing this, ;p …. even if I know that it was all ‘fear-based’ and ‘old-blue-print’ and not ‘true'(even if I lived it as mu reality for all my life, even very subtly), still I had to look in my eyes and see that the insecurity was still there…and kind of ‘choking’ me. I feel like you somehow cut my chains loose 😀 does that make sense to you ? 🙂

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      1. masterkeymartin

        Total sense. Glad I could in some way help. This is your life, live it for you. Are you familiar with Steve Jobs quote ” Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.”

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      2. dominica8 Post author

        oh yes, I know and knew that, that was not the problem, or I have to say: I thought I knew that, but I had not ‘internalized’ it 100%, only for about 90% or so. That’s why it was a ‘blind spot’, one of those that continued to rule my life without me understanding why things would not change in spite of already having done so much transformational work. Those blind spots are really creepy, very small and hidden deep, and only affect a few percent of our being, but still keep everything somehow in ‘hostage’. And stumbling on them, looking them in the eye and putting them in the daylight, feels almost like major operation 😀

        Liked by 1 person

  3. jeannedmasterkey

    Beautifully said!! Thank you so much for distinguishing in such detail what you have experienced your entire life! I too have hidden myself for so long and what is happening now is so amazing!!

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
  4. Master Key Katia

    Wow! You must let yourself shine! Please don’t stay inside. It sounds like no-one around you could handle your awesomeness and forced you with their frowns and quick remarks to recede inside of yourself. THEY DON’T COUNT!

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    Reply
    1. dominica8 Post author

      wooopssss the compliments I get today….. thank you so very much!!!!! Fearless…. well…. ehrm….. actually I have been one big bundle of fear for most of my life, but luckily I always have been just that little bit more courageous too and always confront those fears and yes, most of the times, I win 🙂 and MKMMA is helping BIG time to take the last hurdles!!! 🙂 Glad to bring you a smile every once and again 🙂 that’s actually part of my DMP somewhere 🙂 🙂

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