What a journey.
For a while now I have been wondering when I would stumble on my blind spot(s). I suspected there would be some, obviously, since before I got into this MasterKey’ing, I was already applying quite a number of thoughts and ideas and even some practices that the MasterKey is teaching.
This surely already had a big impact on my life, especially over the last 5 years or so, but still some things would not change, or not really change, so I was clearly missing some important ‘clues’: the blind spots, those spots inside you that you can not see, nor even really feel, but nevertheless are there — your mind ‘tricks them out of view’ — out of fear, of course…. Yet still, in this context, they ‘ruled’, and kept me in a treadmill of (yes, mainly) fear, in spite of the obvious evolution I was going through.
The first weeks of the MasterKey-experience were kind of a ‘piece of cake’ (except for a few hassles) and quite frankly I was becoming a bit impatient (ooopsss…ooooh yes….), even if I definitely experienced a few break-throughs and could feel myself moving towards some deeper stuff, as I mentioned last week. But still, those were not ‘blind spots’, those things I did know about, just had not come to the inner strength yet to address them fully. And lacked the skills to do so.
But, oh yeah, this week, I stumbled on one, over one, fell ‘into‘ one: a blind spot. Yeehaaa!
But also: OUCH!
For years now, especially those last five years, I lived by my motto ‘faith in fate’, relaxing in the idea and concept, and comforting feeling that whatever was ‘mine’ (not only in a material way, I mean this more in the sense of life-experiences) could not escape me, and what was not ‘mine’ to begin with I did not even have to bother trying getting it, for it would not happen. In other words: if something was not happening, that was because for some reason it did not belong to ‘me’, or ‘my path’. And in the other way: I did not have to stress about getting what really needed to be on that path of mine. The ‘just let it all happen’ — state of mind. (in a way, and with all respect, as I see it now, kind of a state of ‘resignation’)
After years of fearfully struggling and fighting and ‘cramping’ and trying to control kind of everything to somehow ‘cope’ — and luckily due to that other still ‘magical’ part of mine that was silenced but thankfully still stubbornly active underneath I was blessed with quite a number of ‘miracles’ at the same time — this attitude of ‘faith in fate’ (actually installed after gradual ‘insight’ that those miracles WERE actually happening after all 🙂 ) –was a very welcome relief, and this ‘controlling nerve’ of mine got de-activated, bit by bit. I sure became a lot happier, even if circumstances were not always what I would have liked (in a way I gave up wanting them the way I would have liked them…. ). But hey, I managed to stay overall positive and faithful, and relatively relaxed.
So now over the last few days, a lot happened inside as well as outside, also ‘because’ of this 7-days mind-diet that put me with my nose right on my blind spot (well, for now, I assume that this would be the only one … 😀 …..). If I was not going to fail all together, the entire program, I had to look myself straight in the eye, look even deeper, and see there….. a panicking, impatient, faith-less kind of control-freak that was fighting like a devil in holy water…. splashing nearly all of that overboard.
I created for myself quite an important deadline, a few weeks ago, with full faith that I would get it, because, of course, I have done ALL my readings and exercises and everything to the fullest and even more, with the whole gusto and everything. Believing. Joyfully. Lovingly. Enthusiastically.
And… still things seemed to follow their own compass steering me right into failure (panickkk!!!!!!) and therefor disillusion ‘You see that this was not for you, this works for everybody, but not for you’ and again, ‘because I do not deserve it, or what???? THIS devil was gone, I thought!!’
Actually that-one HAS gone. But there was another at work.
‘Live by the intention, not the method’. Ah, yes. Right.
It took me a few extra days to see it. I had made my goals clear, and was confident to get them.
BUT: I also secretly tried to apply ‘old methods’ to get there, trying to take control over time (‘when’, ‘how fast’, ‘if this is not gotten done by NOW the whole thing will collapse’, …), and over ‘how’ I would get to my goals (yep, still looking within my narrow means and beliefs about ‘how this should work’, forgetting that I do not have to know yet how things will work out, in this new frame of MasterKey-mind). I was once again pushing myself into a corset that was almost literally cutting of my breath. Forcing, trying to take total control. Freaking panic came bursting out almost throughout all my pores. I actually never before experienced such panick-attacs, not even in my most ‘constant-in-fear-modus’ younger years.
… so I thought that I had acquired faith, already, in the past….. Ouch.
I kind of was that kid that plants a seed and then goes looking every minute — eh, every SECOND — if it was already sprouting, and if so, if that would be in the right direction, and be the right plant…oh fear, oh fear….
Back to square one. Or better said: on this one: finally on square one, finally ready to embark.
Cute little miracle: the day I ‘saw’ what I was really doing, I learned that my deadline could EASILY be delayed, giving me DOUBLE the amount of time to realize my goal (I will faithfully let my subconscious do the timing now, giving it also time and space to ‘incubate’ that goal properly….I PROMISE!), AND that I actually had the wrong information about certain aspects of it. So now that has been straightened out too… if I would have made ‘my’ deadline, it would have been the wrong goal…
So: new mindset : Taking control over ‘taking control’. (I figure if a well-exercised muscle is there, better make GOOD use of it 😀 😀 )
And LET THE MAGIC HAPPEN.
Oh, and the secret was love, even a lot more of unconditional love, for myself and all the panic and insecurities, the process, my current ‘outer world’, AND love for the people that will be affected by what I’m about to put into realization.
Because actually, in my sheer panic, I was too pre-occupied also with ‘me getting my goal’, and not about how this project would serve the people that I’m creating it for… Realizing this, again, focussing on my INTENTION rather than on the method, was the trigger for the insight. Thank you, love.