Week 3 of the MasterMind experience, going down to the core. Great, this is why I’m in this.
About 9 months ago due to a car-accident, I got quite a severe whiplash, which also affected the nervus vagus. Because of this, among other symptoms, my stomach-area came into the picture, mostly the tension that was there. Was, already before, because most of my life this area has been tense, and I already spent many years working on that from different angles.
“The Sympathetic System has its centre in a ganglionic mass at the back of the stomach known as the Solar Plexus, and is the channel of that mental action which unconsciously supports the vital functions of the body. The connection between the two systems (cerebrospinal and sympathetic) is made by the vagus nerve which passes out of the cerebral region as a portion of the voluntary system to the thorax, sending out branches to the heart and lungs, and finally passing through the diaphragm, it loses its outer coating and becomes identified with the nerves of the Sympathetic System, so forming a connecting link between the two and making man physically a “single entity”.” (from Haanel’s 3d Lesson)
The stomach-area: The third chakra. The inner sun. The will. Power-issues. Ego-issues. And on a physical level: the core of the body, the stomach, spleen, liver…..so: strength and digestion — which is actually a transformation: breaking down the food that comes in into particles that the body can use as fuel and to build itself. Link that to the emotional: emotional digestion, and transformation. What comes into my ‘body’, what do I allow to get in, and am I able to ‘digest and transform’ that so that it becomes useful for me to ‘build with’ in stead of ‘stuck’ and/or harmful? — Can I let this inner sun shine? — in BOTH senses of ‘can I’: am I able and am I allowed….?
As you can read in my ‘about’, my numerological number is 8, so ‘power-issues’ are a big chunk of my current existence. Power. What is it? Do I need it? Do i even have it? And if I have it, am I allowed to use it? Or, —oh fear!!— will I not ABuse it, as I witnessed so often around me?
It took me a number of years to understand that this ‘power-question’ actually is about my own internal power, that the only power I truly have is the power over my own inner world, inner strenght. It took me even more time to build enough faith that I would not abuse that power in the outer world, because if established right inside, there is no NEED to use it outward in a way that is harmful.
But, well, actually I already did, since very young: I DID abuse it.
By turning it against myself.
In order to try to somehow ‘fit’ and ‘earn a right to exist’ in a world that I did not feel welcome int AT ALL, I actually abused myself, in many ways.
I have a very strong will, and I abused it many times to force myself into thoughts and behavior and therefor situations that were absolutely not healthy for me. But I somewhere down the line (actually VERY early on) convinced myself that that was the only way to survive and get what I (thought I) needed. Which made me ‘clinch my teeth’, ‘get on with it’ and I was WAY too hard on myself — and others in the same breath….– in an almost chronic way. Completely denied my inner nature. And did, in term, not digest that very well…..
But, haha, that inner nature ALSO was (is) gifted with a strong will 🙂 …
… and over and over again it got me into situations where I was confronted with the abuse. At first this seemed to harden me even more, also physically, the tensions became almost like ‘concrete’, and it was only thanks to my extremely lax body-strutcure and my severe ‘outer’-will that I managed to still ‘move’ and even dance. And also, very early on, fear and worry took over, and weaseled their way into my thinking-patterns and behavior until they almost completely took over. I could get literally frozen of fear. And get a brick and several knots in my stomach. Yet still move around like an elf because of that will-power I wrongly used. Which, of course, abused my body very badly.
Short, it became in a way that battle of the giants, the ‘inner’ and the ‘outer’ ….. 😀 ….. and I learned, I polished, I changed, went completely into the other, passive, dynamic of ‘learning to just let it all happen’, which is, in it’s extreme, just another kind of power-issue….
And when I slipped, I got presented with some kind of accident…..
…. like the one 9 months ago. I somehow immediately knew that there was a profound reason for it to happen — well, that I ‘made’ it happen. So luckily I got immediately ‘on track’ to figure this one out. And, ‘this one’ turned out to be mainly about that, the core, that complex solar plexus-issue, my SolarComPlexus. AND about the link of it with the brain, the nervus vagus, that was also affected by the whiplash.
One thing lead to another, and then to me getting into Mastermind, where I was asked to get very specific about what I want in life, to get articulate about it, and to ‘take control’, (—help??? isn’t that dangerous? what if I control it wrong??? what if I harm other people by doing so?? doesn’t that make me a criminal???? exactly the kind of person I do NOT want to be??? and I just decided to ‘let go’…??? 😀 there you go, that old blueprint of mine…..)
Week’s 3 lesson and sitting-exercise brought me right to the core: my inner sun, the still immense though well-hidden tension in that area, and the link to my brain, it all jumped up during the sit and I could feel and hear it shout ‘finally!’ … finally I can start digesting so many issues that are stuck there.Thank you, MasterMind! I’m over the moon. Or, should that be the ‘over the sun now’ 😀 .
Some people in my surroundings probably think ‘That’s it, now she’s loosing her marbles. What IS she going on about NOW?’ Well, about a golden opportunity, the one that I needed and always knew I would get (create 😉 ) , and so I am dedicated to it, and getting articulate about what I really need and want.
And no, I did not loose my marbles, I’m just about to start collecting them 🙂
—- marbles, articulate ….. suddenly ‘my rainbows‘ (see my previous posts) made a bridge to Eliza Doolitle, My Fair Lady. Boy do I sometimes feel like her lately! Reading texts over and over again day after day…. to let them sink into the unconscious to trick ‘StubbySubby’ into new ways of functioning, just like her ‘a, e, i, o, u’, and so on had to change her way of speaking and she couldn’t get it ….I’m sure you all know the scene when professor Higgins puts marbles in her mouth to make her articulate her English well ….. 😉 ….. and then suddenly one day, bam! she’s got it….. 😉 ….
Well, I’m well on my way to re-establish a good and direct, updated and uncorrupted link between the brain in my head and that other brain in the stomach-area.
Or: from Solar ComPlexus, towards solarplexus.com.